WinkWinkPlayPlay.com Blog

Talking my wife into being a Swinger

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 20:54:30 -0500

This seems to be the question that we always hear is: “How do I talk my wife into joining the Swinglifestyle?” I can’t tell you how many times some guy has asked us this question. Sometimes he is trying to play alone with us which is a whole another story… We are never sure as to answer this; I mean you really can’t give advice on it. You can share your experience and your opinion but that is about it. So here goes nothing…

Talking your wife into being a Swinger… Well personally I don’t think you can. My wife is her own person independent, with her own belief system. I can’t make her do shit… Still to this day if there is a couple or single that I want to play with and she doesn’t we don’t play. However I should state that this works both ways if there is couple or single she is interested in and I’m not we don’t play. Neither of us takes one for the team. So how did we enter the lifestyle? Well it was me who brought up the idea that’s for sure. It started by sharing fantasies with each other, things that we found arousing. We shared with each other then acted some of them out with toys. Let me say this, I definitely didn’t say I wanted to have sex with another female while she watched. I personally think if I said I wanted to have sex with some other woman that would have gone over like a lead balloon. We started off slowly first sharing our fantasies me with the MFM and later her talking about exploring her bi-sexuality. Our first experience was with a buddy of mine which I don’t think was the best idea but, this seems to be a very common thing with others we talk with in the lifestyle. We joined a couple of websites and would try and meet up with some guy or another couple. To be honest that was a very trying time cause we had to learn that when you are new you want to meet up with someone that has been in the lifestyle for a while. When two newbie’s try and meet up usually one won’t show or won’t be able to perform. I have to be honest here in the beginning I didn’t respond well to those things. I was too excited about it and when they wouldn’t show up or the other person couldn’t perform I would get frustrated and act the ass. But I’m much better now…

With couples we started as a soft swap couple meaning we would basically do oral but no intercourse with the other couple. As for single females she would either play alone with them or soft swap for the first couple of years.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you can’t talk or push your partner into swinging. You can share your fantasies and desires and let them share theirs with you. Build up a level of trust and communication with each other. Don’t push it take your time and explore each other as you explore the idea and you just might find you’ll have lots of friends with benefits in no time at all.

Jealousy and the experienced swinger

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 14:24:52 -0500

We have had jealousy issues come up before. And chances are good they come up again - it's the nature of things. The first time I was with another woman jealousy arose in my spouse. It took some time and a lot of heart to heart talks to address those feels that surfaced. Jealousy reared its ugly head again the first time another man made her climax. I thing that one was a bit harder to deal with cause us guys in general don’t know how to deal with our feeling the same way women do.

Let’s face it women talk and share their feelings. We guys tend to hold them in or express anger before insecurity. We don’t know how to tell someone we love what we feel hell I think most guys can’t even put a name to the feeling they are having much less share it. We still have that need to “be a man” the male ego can be a powerful thing. It was hard for me to share with her my own insecurities. To open up and be vulnerable to the fact she could hurt me. As the years have passed I realized it is just as hard for her. Allowing someone in to the point that they know not only your secrets and desires but where all the soft spots are is a very scary thing.

Letting someone know you that much can be scary however it can be very freeing at the same time. When you build a level of trust like that it kind of becomes you two against the world. You know that someone else has your back. This isn’t something that is developed overnight it takes time along time. It is built on one block of trust at a time. Sharing one thing and seeing what they do with it and vice versa.

Today the Jealousy issues that arise aren’t internal they come from the outside. Meaning on occasion someone we play with starts to act differently. Playing games or saying one thing to one of us and another to the other, or try’s to plant a seed of mistrust. This is why we only play with the same person and/or couples a few times max. Sure we have lots of Friends with benefits in the Swinglifestyle but if we play with them again there is usually a long time period in-between. This is just something we have decided to do to prevent emotional ties being developed between them.

The level of trust and communication we have can’t be assumed to be there in the next couple. It is just this sort of thing that recently played out. When one member of another couple started to play that game on us. To what end I have no idea and their motives really don’t matter. Trying to get one of us play alone. Planting seeds of distrust and this might have worked on another couple but we have learned not to keep secrets and we tell each other exactly what is going on or what is said. Sure emotions come up but it is the trust and openness to share them with each other that makes us strong. You can’t live this lifestyle if you don’t trust your partner. At least in our experience.

Not another Cock!

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 13:57:03 -0500

We have profiles on a couple of different sites. Now and again we will try different ways to meet people; increase our friends with benefits list. Usually we stick to Swinglifestyle sites because we have found these to be the most effective way of meeting people. No we don’t endorse one over another, sure we have our preferences of course ours being one of them. Lol… But we won’t put one down or say that place is bullsh*t or say another one is great for that matter. You find what works for you and run with it. We are open enough to give other things a try.

Now with all that being said we tried something we never really tried before a personals section of a site. It’s not set up as a Swinglifestyle site or anything like that but has a section where people can place a personal ad along those lines. First of all let us state that we are not saying the site is bull it works for some and god knows lots of people use it. However for our own personal experience it isn’t quite for us. We placed an ad stating that we are a fun couple looking to play and that we are open to couples, males and females. We thought we would get a few responses and go through them email a couple see if we had anything in common exchange phone numbers and maybe go out to dinner and see what happens.

Now for the reality of what happened. We placed our ad and walked away from our computer and took care of our daily responsibilities, Kids, work, cleaning the normal everyday things. After a few hours I sat back down in front of our computer. I opened my email only to be hit with eighteen cocks staring back at me. The song from the lion king started running through my head, “I got a bunch of lovely coconuts all lined up in a row. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head”. Ok yeah, an unusual association but let’s see how you react when you are met with a cockfest. It is like that traumatized person trying to go to a happy place. And of course over the years we have seen more cocks than a Jewish mohel. It just never ceases to amaze me that so many guys think that a picture of their cock and a fragmented sentence will have their fantasies come true.

Now guys I have written a couple of blogs given you advice on how to meet and hook up with a couple. It really isn’t that hard… Take the time to write a few complete sentences. Tell them about yourself, ask them some questions, treat them as a couple, and remember there are two people there. Save the bedroom talk for the bedroom. Oh yeah include a face photo first and if you really feel the need to show it off then make your cock photo as the second one. But I can’t stress enough that your cock isn’t a selling point.

Here let’s just take this one experience and show you how it played out. So after going through 18 cocks I called my wife over and started again from the beginning. Email one, “what does he look like”, email two, “does he have that much hair on his face”, email three, “come on do they have a face photo”, email four, “are they all like this? Then forget it”. I had no response to this… after all a couple or a single female would have been nice but to be overloaded with all these single males just was too much. Sure this personal ad section of this site works but it wasn’t the response we were looking for. We will just stick to what works for us lifestyle sites where you can read their profiles look at their photos see if you have anything in common then wink or email them. Plus this keeps our personal email address out of the picture.

What does WinkWink PlayPlay mean?

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:56:44 -0500

We had someone ask us the other day “What does WinkWink mean or PlayPlay for that matter” so since this wasn’t the first time we have been asked we thought why not just put it out there. We have been in the Swinglifestyle for a while and like any thing in life there a jargon develops.

The name of the site wasn’t created overnight. We thought about what we wanted it to say, be, the feel of it. Did we want it to be in your face sex or classy and playful. I mean we could have gone with something like sex personals, swinger’s connection, friends with benefits, or a million other things. Yet those really didn’t seem to fit. We stripped away all of the garbage that comes to mind first and decided to look at Swinging and the online dating with fresh eyes. First you flirt with someone, a playful tease, a sexual innuendo; you let them know you are interested… The first site we ever went on used to have this thing called winks now they call it flirts I think and this is what you did to let someone know you are interested. Second comes the fun part well not really second more of the conclusion. After you email, chat or meet and everyone hits it off well you guessed it sex. Now this is where the jargon comes in cause almost every couple or single we have ever meet says “let’s play.” This seems to be the universal code word for sex… Sure there have been those that say Let F**k or something along those lines other still will say let have some fun. It is all the same thing but play has the fun aspect to it. The let’s enjoy ourselves thought behind it. Wait a second I just reread what I just typed and no everyone who meets us says doesn’t say let’s play but for the sake of this blog everyone the ones we have played with said it.

Ok so what is up with the repeating of words? That comes for two different places the first one being Monty Python. Yes really… they use to do this thing with two guys in a bar talking one asking about the others wife. Saying stuff like “does she take the pixs you know nudge nudge wink wink” and “does she dress up nudge nudge wink wink”. It’s the hint of something more something taboo. Then the second reference came from a comedian called Eddie Izzard. He did this routine about asking someone to coffee means let’s have sex. And again he doubled the words coffee coffee… See the doubling of the words gives it that sexual playful meaning. Now we couldn’t have called the site winkwinkcoffeecoffee everyone would have gone WTF. So we thought what do we and or others in the Swingerlifestyle call it. Hello Play…

That is how we put the words together winkwinkplayplay. The first one being the flirtatious desire, the innuendo, the let’s get to know each other. The second one being the classy yet playful way of saying let’s get to know each other and have sex. A way of saying what the site is about without being crude or in your face about it. Something that others in the Swinglifestyle would understand. It is about having fun and enjoying yourself.

Playing through natural disasters

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 01:48:03 -0500

So we were looking to go out and play this weekend; enjoy some friends with benefits only to be met with some resistance. A couple of our friends had their own issues with the weather here in LA Flooding and snow. This is completely understandable… Yet one sited Haiti which to be honest made our heads tilt sideways and the uncontrollable sound of Huh came out.

First off let us state that what happened there was tragic and feel for them and of course we contributed to the relief efforts. We understand the need for charity and the help it brings hell the proceeds from this site go to charity. But to be honest we have mixed feeling on this worldwide relief effort. On one hand we think it is awesome the way everyone has come together to help. On the other we remember New Orleans and the fact it took so long to get any help there yet we can raise one billion dollars in ten days for Haiti. Charity starts at home, but that is another rant that I suppose doesn’t really belong here.

Now with all that being said that fact that someone would use Haiti as a reason not to play just struck us as unbelievable. Sure do what you can to help but go on with your life. If you have something that affects you directly that is completely understandable but to use a natural disaster that happened thousands of miles away. Be real… If they would have said anything else we wouldn’t have had a problem. Like we said we had friends who were snowed in others who were worried about mudslides. We could have just contacted a single male and I guarantee you that Haiti would have stopped him, but again that isn’t really the point.

Could it be that they just didn’t want to meet with us? We have been wife swapping for awhile so we have heard all types of reasons or excuses for not meeting. I mean if they didn’t want to meet with us that is fine tell us we aren’t interested or you aren’t our type even something like your teeth aren’t white enough. Who knows they might have had their own issues going on like Jealousy, that time of the month, or a hygiene thing going on. We are just searching for some rationale for their actions cause the other is too hard to believe.

Ok so are we just perverts that are insensitive to the world around us? Are we focused on our genitals more than the outside world? Is it wrong of us to want to play when something like this happens? To these questions I would have to say No. The people that know us know we care and they see our involvement in the community. Sure we like to play… I guess what we are saying is life goes on you do what you can to help but you still have to live your life. Life is a balancing act family first, work, play, friends, community, then the world outside. At least this is how we see our priorities.

Swinging by any other name

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 01:40:07 -0500

We were talking with our friends at Swingfest just a couple of days ago and the perception of swinging came up. How so many companies deny us listings or services just because we are swingers. Yet they service all sorts of Adult oriented businesses.

It still amazes me to be denied a service from a company on the basis of our content. This one company called us obscene and stated that they do not work with businesses that deal with our subject matter. Yet several of their clients sell adult videos which showcase all sorts of XXX stuff. So I questioned them on their decision they responded with “we do not service dating sites that promote the meeting for sex”. What a joke… Do they think people join these sites to find someone to play cards with? Let’s be real here lust and desire come first love is what follows. I am not trying to get on a soap box and preach the benefits of swinging.

We could call it Friends with benefits or no strings attached meetings and probably have them lining up to provide their services. Swinging by any other name is still the Swinglifestyle, wife swapping or whatever you want to call it. Sure it isn’t for everyone but the couples we know in the lifestyle will all say it has brought them closer together. They don’t cheat on each other on the contrary the level of communication is deeper; the level of intimacy is deeper. But none of that really matters, it’s the word swinger that gets them. Who know what mental image they get a roman orgy, a hippie love fest or some other misconception that blocks them. Just call it something other than it is… It reminds me of something George Carlin said about the softening of words to be political correct, “back in WWII they called it Shell Shock, now it is post traumatic stress syndrome”. More words to say the same thing…

To be honest just trying to write about this bothers me. I would much rather share our experiences in the lifestyle than try to figure out or complain about those who don’t even what to take the time to understand. We aren’t ones to force our beliefs or actions on another, nor try to justify them. If you want to know about the lifestyle we will tell you.

I don’t want you. I’ve already had you.

Sun, 03 Jan 2010 21:37:00 -0500

The end of one year the beginning of a new year it’s a celebration that everyone seems to enjoy. Whether we are remembering the past or looking forward to a hope filled future. We’re no different we have enjoyed ourselves over the years. Our experiences in the Swinglifestyle have always seemed more enjoyable on this night. It seems to be a universal feeling of joy, rebirth if you will combine that with the orgasmic pleasure that a wife swapping experience can bring and it borders on a spiritual experience. So yeah, we go out every New Years Eve over the years we had tried several types of parties and meet all sorts of people.

We went out to a club takeover no real plans made to meet up with anybody more of a seat of our pants kind of thing. Which can but a damper on a night? If you have been to any of these things you know that it can be kind of a cliquish thing. I guess it is human nature for people to hang out with the familiar than trying something new. Now that one line will make you go what as this tell of our night goes on. Anyway, at these things you try and meet new people and find some couple that you can hit it off with. If you are like us this can be very interesting, meaning my wife is very social and I border on the socially handicapped. So she usually takes the lead in meeting new people. So as the night went on we talked with a few different couples moving through to find one that we connected with. With midnight approaching we thing we found one. Personalities seem to fit the right mix of humor and sarcasm. We talk as much as you can at these things with the music drowning out almost everything you say, till you are yelling in each other’s ears. We share a few drinks, take some time out on the dance floor, move back to the booth to flirt and talk with each other. That is when the husband makes the comment to his wife “I don’t want you, I’ve already had you. I want her.” Instantly I not only see the red in his wife’s eyes but mine as well. I sitting there think you F**king bone head. Sure you might be making a joke but it wasn’t received that way.

Now over the years I have said some truly stupid things that I still hear about till this day. However one of the things I would never say is that I didn’t want my wife. I might tell her “she’s hot”, “Boy, don’t they look like fun”, and I would even say “ I am lusting after her”. Even though I say stuff like this my wife comes first. I have both love and lust for my wife. My lust for someone else doesn’t replace or override my love for my wife. This is why we can experience the benefits of the Swinglifestyle. Our love and respect for each other comes first so when we come across someone that doesn’t treat their spouse with the same respect it is an instant turn off. Needless to say the hunt for another new year’s couple continued. We ended up finding a really cool couple and let’s just say the New Year looks like it going to be great.

Family Tree

Sun, 27 Dec 2009 20:44:48 -0500

With the holidays behind us and a few other comments I had no idea what I would write about this week. Sure we enjoy the Swinglifestyle and try to play as much as we can. But during the holidays family tends to overtake our playtime. And this year was no exception. When a relative reappeared after fifteen years a family holiday reunion was put together. Something I wasn’t looking forward to. Hours of socializing with the forgotten family tree and trying to hide our wife swapping lifestyle. Not to mention the fact that we now own our own swingers site.

It all started out the same, the hi’s how are you. Getting caught up on how all the family that you never see is doing.

Oh yeah, he just got out of jail. Nice tattoo huh?

No, she has cancer but the family is holding up fine.

Oh as for them, he got laid off a few months ago and now they’re struggling to keep the house.

Yeah, she did get implants; she got them put in sometime last year. I think they're saline.

Doesn't she look bad? I mean she was never pretty, but age has really not been kind to her - she looks like a monkey. He should never have married her.

Then it happened. We were introduced to some cousin we don’t really know and I get that gnawing feeling that I have seen him before. He brings his wife and kids over so we can meet them. We all start talking, I slip into conversation where do you work, live and do you travel much. From past experience we have learned that an outright question of “You look familiar, do we know you” can be very dangerous. You can get responses you don’t want shared around others like “yeah we were all naked in that Jacuzzi remember when you…”. So anyway the subtle questions didn’t ring any alarms so we all posed for a picture. You got to love digital cameras insert sarcasm here… cause that is when the alarm went off. The moment I looked at the photo on the camera it hit me. I have seen him on another site as a single male no less. Ahh, f**k, was the first thought ran through my mind. No I wasn’t worried if he recognized us. We keep our face photos private and only share those with those we are going to play with. The last thing we wanted was a moral dilemma at this event.

So the question becomes do we reveal this to his wife? Do we let him know we know what he is doing? If we do we will reveal ourselves in the process. Besides right now this is just an assumption we would have to go to the site to make sure. Do we even want to bother or get involved? Do we just delete our account on the site he is on I mean hell we don’t even use it? After all this isn’t the first married man playing single we have come across. Yeah this is family but that is worse if you get involved you can’t run away from the drama then. So what did we do? We spend the night avoiding them hanging out with other family members. What will we do? Who knows? We aren’t marriage counselors and is it really our place? There is more to this than one guys actions there is a whole family involved. Sure we have a lot experience in the swinglifestyle but does that make us experts on how to handle every situation? No… Sure everybody will have their own opinions of what we should do and who really knows what is the right or wrong thing to do. There is an old saying when you don’t know what to do, do nothing.

Not Funny then, Funny Now

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 13:25:21 -0500

A friend of ours read our last blog and commented that it was ok; sounding a lot like Columbia when Rocky was revealed in the Rocky horror picture show. So I asked what she meant she then stated that it was a good read but didn’t have her laughing like the others. My head began to run with all the funny or awkward experiences we have had in the Swinglifestyle. A list quickly formed of topics I could share that would amuse her. Things that have happened that weren’t funny at the time but now looking back we have to laugh at.

The reflection went something like this. The Weave- the time when we were playing with this couple and as wife of the couple went to perform oral on me I went to run my hands threw her hair. And yes you guessed it my wedding ring got caught and tangled in her weave not really the hair pulling experience she was looking for. Not funny then, funny now. The Midget- The time when we were at this club and met this fun couple. She was a beautiful statuesque blonde he was a humorous guy we were all sitting at a table and talking. The night had gone on for awhile so the level of intoxication was rising. So when he got up to use the restroom we were quite surprised to see his short stature and let’s just say our reaction wasn’t the most politically correct and wasn’t really received all that well. Not funny then, funny now. The Rats- The time we went back to this couples apartment after spending the night eating, drinking, laughing, and gambling. As we are talking in their living room getting ready to move things in a more lustful direction we notice something running across the floor. Surprised we asked “WHAT WAS THAT” to which they responded oh those are our pet rats hold on let us get them. AAHHH what… Not funny then, funny now. The senior citizen- the time we were at this Halloween party and this older couple was talking with us and the female asked me to dance. Looking to my wife for help in getting out of this she responded with “sure have fun”. The granny began to grind on my thigh leaving her aged essence on my costume; which I spent the next half hour trying wash not only out of outfit but my mind as well. Not funny then, funny now. The Cat Food- Ok this one is more of an awkward experience. We met this couple at a club in Vegas and everything was going great. Everyone got along there was attraction all the way around so we decided to take it back to their room. The girls were making out the clothes were coming off it started to get really heated that is when we noticed what could only be described as someone going to feed a cat. The awkward odor that filled the room made eyes water, how do you address something like that? Suddenly, I threw out my back and had to get back to our room. Not funny then, funny now. The Blowjob- the time we were at a house party and my wife and another woman were making out. I was standing there caressing them both when this other woman came up and proceeded to unbuckle my pants and blow me out of the blue. My wife looked down then at me all I could respond with is “do I know you.” Not funny then, according to my wife still not funny.

I then began to think is this what we intended the blog to be a running satire of wife swapping experiences. No not really… We thought maybe others in the Swinglifestyle could relate to it or maybe it could help other couples that are just entering the lifestyle. Besides if we shared all of these things what would we have to talk about when we meet someone at club? I then got upset at our friend and thought the blog isn’t meant to be funny, screw her. Then I thought of an Old Italian friend of ours who commented “sounds to me like you are one freak over the limit, I think you should throw the midget back.” And I realized life is funny and you should enjoy every moment you can.

Stimulate This

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 12:23:11 -0500

In our Online Profile we state that we don’t play on the first meeting. Our past experiences in the Swinglifestyle have proven this to be a wise statement to make like many of the guidelines and safeguards we have put in place. If you read through our blog posts you would think we play all the time. This isn’t really the case; our play time is valuable because we have many demands on our time.

It is a delicate balance of family time, work, and play. When something or someone interferes with it I have to restrain the urge to get upset. I have gotten better at this over the years but when we first started wife swapping I was the eager beaver or more like a child being told he couldn’t do something. I would pout and complain stomp my feet and say I wanna play… Then I realized something... I’m still going to get laid. Which is more than I can say for some others?

Here is the part where I explain what the hell I am talking about.

We were emailing this guy back and forth online and thought we would meet for dinner to see how it goes. Ok it was more me talking to this guy than my wife. I thought it would be a Christmas gift, according to the photo’s he was in amazing shape hell I wish I had his abs. He passed the face photo test; he lives in LA so he had that model type look. You get the idea I wanted to give basically a Chippendale dancer (but straight) to her for Christmas. Anyway, we scheduled a dinner and he did show up - a plus, or so I thought. We ordered a couple of drinks and started to talk.

Actually he started talking and this is where everything went downhill.

It all started with ordering dinner, it was like a male version of when Harry met Sally. So jokingly I commented on the way he ordered his meal. The education into fitness routines, protein shakes, and healthy diets, and the time he spends in the gym began and seemed to last for an hour. Noticing my wife’s interest fading fast I tried to change to subject. I asked had he ever done anything like this before, insert foot in mouth… He then began to list his conquests in detail totally ignorant of the beautiful woman across the table from him. Needless to say the No Play Phrase was spoken from her. No play phrase is something we work into conversation to let each other know we aren’t interested. A safe word… if you will.

Guys even if you look like a Greek God you still need a personality. The mind is the largest organ in the body -stimulate that first. I mean look at Jack Nicholson he is one scary looking Mother F**ker and he has been with countless women. I have a suggestion talk less, ask questions, get the woman talking, and show interest in her. Hell, try small talk, ask what TV shows do you like, what type of music do you listen to, make her laugh… Don’t talk just about yourself and leave the arrogance at home.

Needless to say we went our separate ways, and yes I did get laid. As for the urge to get upset, I think I was more upset over the fact that my Christmas gift was such a bust. Oh well guess I have to go to the jewelry store now… See; humor. Trust me humor will get you farther, than abs and arrogance alone. Remember it's not all about you; find out what turns her on. And to get between her legs you must first get between her ears.

You’re Not Santa Put That Bag Away

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 13:53:00 -0500

We have been in the Swinglifestyle for a few years now and have learned a few tricks of the trade if you will. Like, having a play bag for when you go out. A small bag filled with essentials like lube, condoms, baby wipes, toothpaste, toothbrushes, mints, a hair brush, change of underwear. See a pattern here they are all personal hygiene products. They are all items to make wife swapping more fun without seeming to surprising.

Okay what does this have to do with anything let me tell yeah? It’s our way of saying that if you have a bag with you when we go back to a hotel we aren’t that surprised. At least at first… Let’s back up a bit, we met this couple at a club and hit it off right from the gate. We laughed, flirted, we had fun on the dance floor, the girls started to make out with each other so we decided to take it back to our hotel room. So when we got there and they got out of their car and grabbed a bag out of the trunk we didn’t think much of it. Actually at first we find this refreshing, another experienced couple that is concerned about hygiene and safety. Yeah so we were projecting our own behavior on them. Anyway we all go into the room, we offer them something to drink, and the let the fun begin. Then the mystery bag is revealed. The motion was classic like something out Top Chief or Dexter the way this bag was unrolled onto the bed. Displaying a collection of sex toys you’d think only a traveling sex toy salesman would have.

We have nothing against sex toys, hell we have our own little collection. We have our favorites like, the rabbit, the cherry scented vibe with dual vibe eggs, the vibrating cock ring, and the crouch-less strap-on. These have all given us some truly unforgettable nights of play. However we knew the people we were playing with before the toys came out. I wouldn’t consider us old fashion and we are far from being prudes. But we have no idea where those things have been. Plus there is a little bit of a creep factor involved when they are brought out not only on the first night but when revealed in such a way.

You could tell that the husband was the one behind this cause of the look that flashed over the wife’s face. It never ceases to amaze me what the limits of blood flow do and I’m a guy. I don’t know maybe I expect too much, a standard code of ethics or rules and manners of play. Sure we’ve met all sorts of people and considering some of the things we have come across this is not that big of a deal. I mean toys are great and all however bring it up in conversation before hand or maybe in the next round of play. Wouldn’t you want to get to know us before you let us restrain you to a bed? It’s a comfort level thing… Just think about it you didn’t break out black mamba on the first date with your wife so why you would do it the first time you went to play with someone else. Sure there is sexual freedom and we can be definite freaks in bed but like the saying goes “I like to be kissed before you fuck me”. Just put the bag away for now.

Intimidating Prick

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 02:52:08 -0500

A friend of ours read about our last wife swapping adventure in the last blog posting and gave us a call. He shared something that I wouldn’t have put together and IT opened my eyes. Since that conversation I have been thinking about how to share his insight and our/my experiences without sounding like a conceited self-centered windbag. Here goes …

Our friend’s insight into the video watching husband was that he was intimidated by my endowment. Upon seeing the competition if you will, HE had feelings of inadequacy which affected his ability to perform. This caused me a moment of reflection on our past experiences with some single males - the guys who talked a good game but when the time came they didn’t. We had previously just marked it up to them being new to the Swinglifestyle. We didn’t consider other couples cause we thought maybe the husband’s inability is why they are in the lifestyle. So after having this eye opening thought dropped on us how we address the male ego. I thought I would share some of my experiences and then our thoughts.

The grass isn’t always greener… Everywhere you turn there is some advertisement telling you “you need a bigger penis”. What they don’t tell you is the shit you get for having one. Every job I have ever had I quickly become known for my endowment. I have been called every name you can think of. To this day I hate Shriek because when that came out my new nickname became “Don-Ka” I have spent years trying to hide what is in my pants. Buying pants two sizes too big, minimum of three pleats, I have tried pouch underwear that just made me look like I was wearing a cod-piece. I had one boss so obsessed with it he tried to get women to grab me to verify it was real. So you might be thinking quit your whining I am sure the women love it. Not really… they might be curious but it stops there. Certain things are just off the menu like oral, anal. The idea of huge endowment sounds better than the reality. The point is even endowed guys have issues with their genitals.

Ok now for our thoughts on the matter. It isn’t a competition. We aren’t in this lifestyle to see who the biggest or best lover is. We are in it for the f. Thoughts of insecurity will come up. I remember the first guy to make my wife cum other than me and the feelings that arose from that. But that is really what it is about the pleasure. I enjoy seeing a woman enjoying herself that is how I get off if you will. It isn’t what you are packing… Like we stating in our blog earlier my wife would rather see a photo of your face than of your penis. When we decide to play with you it is based on who you are as a person not your physical endowments. Now if you are concerned with what your spouse will think or how she will react to something different. That is a very personal thing and we can only suggest you talk with her, open up. You might find that she didn’t like it. It might have been painful yet another thing I hear a lot of. Focus on the pleasure and the heat of the moment. This is one instance you can remove the competition from the field.

You’re going to put What in!

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 23:54:00 -0500

Ok this one might offend some people, but it is something we have to share. It isn’t our intent to isolate some people or say that what they did / do is wrong. I guess it is more of a case of timing or consideration. If you are into Wife Swapping or are in the Swinglifestyle you’ll find all sorts of different things or behavior and we aren’t judging or saying that one is right or another is wrong, but some things are worth sharing. This is one of them.

Let’s back up and I’ll explain what the hell this is all about. We had been talking with this couple online for a little while and everyone seemed to be getting along so we decided to meet at a club. The night started off great. They showed up, we showed up – and that in and of itself is a plus. We found a table; got some drinks, all the normal small talk “wow you do look like your pictures” “it is good to see that they weren’t from 10yrs ago”. The girls hit it off and the guy didn’t seem creepy or pushy. Just down to earth real people, they seemed to be a loving couple. Balanced if you will... We danced and flirted for the next few hours. My wife and I took a moment to ourselves to talk to see how each other felt about them and we both gave the green light. This is something that is rare because we usually just meet first then go home and talk to see if we want to play with them or not. So when they invited us back to their place we said sure let’s go. Again, everything was going great they had a clean house, no kids sleeping in the next room. We had a couple of drinks and talked for a few minutes then the girls started to kiss and then she led us off to the bedroom.

Clothes are starting to come off and get more heated. The girls are playing with each other while the guys are rubbing and caressing the girls. Now without sounding conceited we are a good looking couple, no we aren’t models but we aren’t livestock either. So the thing that happened next kind of took me off guard. The guy gets up and goes and puts in a porno. He then sits in a chair and proceeds to watch this movie. Now I enjoy a good porno just as much as the next guy, but you have a real life sex show right in front of you. WTF… Sure we don’t mind playing with your wife without you, if you’re going to give us the go ahead. But if you’re going to stop and watch a porno to get aroused to come back and join the party then you might want to look into getting some Viagra. I mean it is one thing to put in the video before the playing starts as kind of a mood setter, but to get up in the middle of playing huh. I mean as a guy I thought this was strange but females can be sensitive to shit like this. Their heads start to run with thoughts of “what is wrong with me”, “He didn’t find me attractive”.

We had great time with his wife and when he came back he was kind of a fourth wheel in a three wheel situation. We will probably never play with them again, it was just too strange. Now that is saying something considering the various things we have done/ tried. Well it’s more of an awkward thing. This is something that could have easily been avoided by putting in the video earlier. Just one more example of someone self-obsessed meaning not considering the other people in the room. The one thing you have to keep in mind if you are going to be in the Swinglifestyle is that it is a group thing. It isn’t just about you take a moment to consider the people around and with you.

Single Male looking for Couples

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:10:00 -0500

There must be millions of them in the lifestyle all looking to live out some porno fantasy of a MFM. Yet the majority of couples’s profiles say “NO SINGLE MALES.” or “Single Guys We will contact you if we are interested.” So what is a guy to do? As a couple in the Swinglifestyle that actually plays with single males on occasion we have some suggestions.

Ok first let us say we have been talking with this one guy recently and are considering meeting to see how things go. Considering the number of emails we get from single guys even going through them seems a task in and of itself. To find one that seems a match what we look for in a single guy actually it is amazing. Even for me the guy of this relationship it’s like cool - this one might work.

Which brings us to some helpful tips: First, just don’t look at the pictures Guys read the couples profile see what they are looking for, see if you are a match, see if they even want an email from you, if not then move on. Second, say something intelligent “let’s fuck”, “you’re Hot”, “let’s get together”, “Nice Tits and/or Ass”, “Would Love to taste you” these aren’t going to get you very far. You have read their profile now respond to what they said, type a few sentences it doesn’t need to be a book just something that shows you can read and write carry on a conversation. Third, Attach a face photo if you really have to then also attach a crotch shot if you really feel the need. Let me just say my wife has never said that is a dick I have to get with she will usually say well what does he look like. You might be proud of your penis, hell I know I am, but the couples that will choose you on this only are few and far between.

Now that was just the basics here are some that will really help you. Be respectful remember that there are two people in the couple address both of them not just the wife you are looking to F**k. When we are looking for a single male it is just for some added fun not a replacement for the husband. Not to mention that at least my wife doesn’t want to be addressed in a cheap / rude way. Save the bedroom talk till the right time. Humor helps, say something funny don’t be so serious. Ask questions find out what the couple is into likes, dislikes; basically remember that is not all about your pleasure there are others involved. BE HONEST if you are married tell them. We personally don’t play with married males but we know couples that do. Hell there are couples out there looking for all sorts of things: wife swapping, cuckold experiences, Milf play, or just want to try the MFM experience. There are enough couples out there for you to find what you are looking for. These suggestions should help you in your search and if more single males followed these few guideline, then we – and other couples, might play with them more often.

Are you soft or full Swap?

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:54:00 -0500

This is one of the most common questions in the lifestyle. And yes we were faced with it this weekend. We went out to a club and meet this couple and everyone was clicking, which isn’t all that easy in the Swinglifestyle. I mean you can meet a couple and usually one won’t click or be attracted to someone in the group. After all you are dealing with four personalities not two. So when everyone is clicking it a celebration in and of itself. Anyhow, the question came up “are you a soft swap or full swap couple” and the answer for us is both really. No we aren’t fence riders nor are we undecided it’s more of the fact that we hate labels.

Some background history or experience might help. When we started in the Swinglifestyle we were more cautious than some. Our first couple of experiences was with singles not couples and they were fun but again the level of action was still pretty tame, we weren’t sure if we wanted to try wife swapping. We were feeling our way into the lifestyle seeing what we as a couple were comfortable with. Of course there were things I wanted to do that she didn’t and there were things she wanted to try that I was unsure of. The first couple we meet in the lifestyle lived close by and we started talking and going out then that first night of play finally came and we were all having a great time until they wanted to take it further. We naively hadn’t even talked about it the thought of what would happen or what to except or how far to go never came up. Then the female of the other couple asked me to F**k her hard. I have to be honest I went blank. Surprised as I was I looked toward my wife and I could tell this wasn’t the time. She was just as surprised and the flood of emotions had just hit her. At that moment I chose to end the night as delicately as I could which looking back probably wasn’t that smooth since I have no tact. We spent what seemed like a month talking about that night running the full range of emotions, desires, talking over jealousy and everything that make a guy uncomfortable.

As a result of that night we decided to take it slow see how it goes more or less table the full swap and just do soft until both of us were sure. We made a list of guidelines No means no of course, no taking one for the team, talking alone about the people we are looking to play with before to see how each other feels, setting up safe words for not only disinterest but for interest. Over time our rules have evolved as we have but probably the most consistent one is that we talk first.

The choice to be soft or full swap is a very personal one. We have met some couples that jumped right in from their first experience and other that have stayed soft swap. Is there a Right or Wrong way to do this? I think it is a matter of what is right for you as a couple. How did we answer the couple’s question, with our standard “we go with the flow” response. We had a great time in any case. No we don’t consider ourselves experts in swinging we just share our experiences and what works for us. We would be happy to answer any questions you might have email us at admin@winkwinkplayplay.com or check out this site for some great Q&A. http://www.allexperts.com/el/Adult-Swinging/

Vanilla Treats

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 16:47:00 -0500

Halloween Haunts or Halloween Taunts… We have our regular haunts for Halloween like the Halloween Ball in Vegas or some other Swinglifestyle event / club party in Los Angeles which ever sparks or interest or desire. This year however due to our schedules we were unable to really plan a getaway. Me being the OCD stricken member of this relationship usually plans months in advance picking out costumes, ordering them, special workout plans if the costumes require it, making room reservations, travel arrangements, getting friends locked in to go with us, etc… Yeah if you haven’t guessed Halloween is my favorite holiday and just truly fun in a lifestyle environment. The costumes seem to allow others to feel more free open. I guess with the wearing of one mask they feel free to drop all the others.

This year however with no time to plan we ended up accepting an invitation from some Vanilla friends to go to a local nightclub. We did some last minute shopping and threw some costumes together and proceeded to go out. I must admit that I wasn’t too excited about the idea. This is my night after all; how relaxed can I get having to watch what I say or do. Not only are we out with people who aren’t into wife swapping but we are at a club in the same town we live. Our neighbors, people in the community are there one misstep in judgment and there we are exposed as Swingers. No we aren’t ashamed of whom we are… It is kind of a Superman / Clark Kent sort of thing. We dress as Clark Kent during the day to interact with the general population and at night we remove that mask that we wear so we can be who we really are. After all Superman becomes Clark not for himself but for the protection of those closest to him i.e. our kids.

Where the night gets interesting… As the drinks are consumed and the dancing goes on one of Barbie’s girlfriend’s grabs her on the dance floor and begins to kiss her. That is where the thought process starts going into overdrive. First of let me say this friend is Hot… and those looks have been exchanged all night. The comments her and her boyfriend have made make you wonder are they into the lifestyle too. Do they PLAY? After all they are the only other ones that seem to have the costumes that suggest more than a trip to Wal-Mart. Plus comments about the other outfits at home make you go hhmmmmm could they be Swingers too? We hide in plain sight could they be wearing the mask too? How far do we want to take this? Do we want to test the waters? Could this night turn out to be less of a bust than we originally thought? Then another thought hits me… wait a minute girls kissing each other has become fashionable. This is something that is happening in nightclubs all over America with little more than what it is some kissing. Time to do what you normally do and let the girls take the lead and go where the night takes you after all this could be a case of metal masturbation.

Well nothing more happened than making out on the dance floor. Are they closest swinger’s who knows? Considering the time and place it was best to leave it alone. Just another reason why we prefer lifestyle events, you don’t have to worry about any of this stuff it all comes down to if everyone is clicking and the desire is there hell that is hard enough finding four people that click. So I have already started to plan for next year’s party. Ha-ha No more Vanilla clubs for us.

Hardcore Swingers!!!

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 15:00:00 -0400

Don’t you hate labels…? We went out the other night and meet this fun couple and as the conversation progressed. It became obvious that they were kind of new to the lifestyle. Still feeling it out seeing what works for them and what doesn’t. Been there done that hell I think we are still doing it. Anyway as we talked they stated “well we were talking with them but they seem like hardcore swingers”. Cause for Pause… Warning lights… Wondering at this point how will we be perceived? Do we tell them how long we have been in the Swinglifestyle? Do we tell them we own a Swingers / Adult social networking site? Here is where the different personalities come into play. Meaning my wife’s and mine… She is a little more sensitive to things like this, I guess she cares what others think of her or it could come down to that thinking of I might be wild in the bedroom but don’t call me a ho or a slut in public. I don’t know. I on the other hand could give a shit what others say I am a freak, a sexual addict I know it and accept it. So… however this is a marriage and we do communicate and after all this time there is that level of non verbal communication that happens in situations like these. Let’s be honest I tend to let her take the lead in these conversations cause I will and usually say something that could cause a problem.

So I guess it comes down to the fact of how we see ourselves do we consider ourselves soft-core or hardcore swingers. Let’s not get this confused with soft swap or full swap that is two different things altogether. The one thing we have learned is that this definition is different for everybody. Example: even after being in the lifestyle for the last 10 years, owning our own site, we still consider ourselves soft-core swingers. Why? Because we don’t go out all the time, we still meet first and see if there is a connection first before we play, we still use protection, and we don’t play separately these are just some of the things that to us define us as soft-core. Yet someone else could easily see us as hardcore swingers. Saying well we’re not into wife swapping just girl play and any number of other reasons.

How did the night end up? Well we didn’t play with them but that doesn’t mean much cause like we stated we rarely do on the first meeting. We talked, danced and the girls made out with each other so it looks pretty good that we will have some new friends to play with. How did they perceive us? Well we will never truly know however like in most cases we tend to fear the worst reaction and receive the best or at least a better one. Keep in mind newbie’s want to learn and even though they might have fear or reservations of hardcore swingers experienced couples are a good guide on how to have a successful time in the Swinglifestyle. Nothing is wrong with being a hardcore swinger or a soft-core swinger it comes down to what you feel comfortable with and remember someone is always going to view you in a different light. I guess it comes down to what Shakespeare put best - “to thy own self be true …” and screw everyone else. The screw everyone else part I added, Shakespeare would have said “ fuckth the lot” or something like that. You think Shakespeare was a swinger?

Your place or mine…

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 20:56:35 -0400

We have kids so there is always a pause in the response here. When we started in theSwinglifestyle we had no idea what we were doing. We read a little but mostly we talked with other couples in the lifestyle. What do you do? Have you ever done this? Has this ever happened to you? How did you handle that? These are just a small sample of questions that flew for our lips. Hell at times I’m sure the other couples were wondering are we going to Play or just talk, or if they were being interviewed or something. Still most of the things we do today have come out of trial and error, our own personal experiences and mistakes have shaped our ground rules. The question of whether to invite someone into our home isn’t one we take lightly. The choice to bring someone home is a personal one. We have created a checklist if you will. Items for consideration…
The kids: Where will they be? Do we have a babysitter? Does the person/people we are considering have kids? How do they feel about being around kids? Well to be honest here we have only had a couple of people interact with our children. Meaning meet them, have their kids play with them, sleep over at each other’s house. Based on those couple of experiences we won’t do this again. It becomes difficult to explain why they can’t see their friends anymore when the adults no longer play together. So as a result we usually 99.5% of the time play when we have a babysitter or when the kids are away. Sure this limits the amount of time we have to play but it is much better than the idea of one of them walking in on something they shouldn’t see or something we would never want to explain.
How well do we know you? We tend to be a little more cautious than others. Let’s meet at a public place. (Nightclub, bar, swing event, hell even Denny’s will do) This goes back to Strange Danger… meaning if we don’t know you you’re not going to find out where we live. We meet in public then if everyone is comfortable we find someplace else to go play. We usually get a hotel room before hand as a place to go afterwards even if we don’t invite the others back with us. Just imagine having someone in your home sitting on your couch going nudge nudge wink wink let’s play and your left going aaahhh fuck.
What about the neighbors? Yes this sounds paranoid or superficial but we do live in a neighborhood like desperate housewives… So the idea of explaining who are all those people coming over and staying till the wee hours of the morning is not something we want to do. Being know as the Wife Swapping couple of the neighborhood doesn’t sound like the goal we want to achieve. NO we are not ashamed of who we are or what we do. We enjoy this lifestyle. I guess it is a lot like an alcoholic in recovery they aren’t ashamed of being one and have a scene of pride of being one but at the same note don’t want everyone to know they are one. Or maybe a homosexual is a better example meaning there is gay pride and a comfort level of acknowledgement yet they don’t introduce themselves as “ hey I’m bob, the neighborhood Gay” I guess it comes down to the fact that we like to decide who we tell and who we don’t. Nobody likes to be judged by others and to a certain degree we say fuck them. Yet we still like the choice as to who we disclose it to. Not to mention that if the neighbors found out they might thing it is ok to hit on either one of us without the other there. Or neighborhood husbands thinking they could hit on my wife maybe touch her when she doesn’t want them too. After all the rules of “No Means No” are hard to enforce outside of a club.

Over the years the checklist has evolved and will continue to change as are kids get older our experience change. The guidelines we have set in place have truly made our lifestyle experiences more enjoyable. The less drama the more we can relax and enjoy the ride. The Main thing is Comfort Level we have to feel really comfortable with you before we will invite you into our home. Yet there is a certain freedom that comes from a hotel room.

Like we said in an earlier blog. “Whether you are curious about wife swapping or have been in the Swinglifestyle for awhile the one thing that we have found is that good communication and maintaining our comfort level is a must in order to truly enjoy this lifestyle. Playing at your home might not be for you or it might be the most comfortable place to play. Experiment try new things but talk to each other about them you might find that some things aren’t for you while others are a perfect fit.”

An old Blog Posting on Vanilla Friends

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 15:34:38 -0400

This is one from our old blog before we moved it over here.

We had a situation that came up the other day and no it is not the first time. The question is should you reveal your identity as a swinger to your vanilla friends (vanilla friends means a friend that is not in the Swinglifestyle). Let me start with yesterday; I was talking with an old friend that I have known for 10 plus years and kind of got cornered on the Website. We knew that this would happen even planned on what we would say. No we are not ashamed of our lifestyle choice but we are careful as to who we tell. None the less I was faced with the situation of tell or make up some lie. Personally I feel honesty is the best policy and since I have known this person for over 10 years I figured they wouldn’t be that surprised by it. However like we mentioned earlier this is not the first time this has come up… In the past when we have shared this we with other vanilla friends we have basically gotten three responses
1. You’re WHAT… followed by a polite oh that’s cool and then the friendship fades away to the point of no contact.
2. REALLY… Followed with we/I have always been curious about that (if this is a male he typically sees if he can fuck my wife, Females try this too however we have found that this usually doesn’t work out well).
3. Huh… I can see that followed by acceptance (this is very rare… Usually people are curious and number two comes into play).
Now the question becomes what will yesterday’s conversation turn into? Time will tell… Is the Swinglifestyle like living a secret life…? Not really we have are vanilla friends and we have our Swinger friends we tend to have a closer more open relationship with our Swinger friends and no not because of sex it is because they are less judgmental and more open-minded so we feel less restricted in our conversations. The choice of revealing your lifestyle to your non lifestyle friends is a very personal one and definitely something that shouldn’t be done in passing. But it is just that a personal choice one that you’ll have to make for yourself. We don’t think anyone can tell you what to do in this area only share their own personal experience and let you make that choice based on your knowledge of the friend / friends in question.

We are very excited to introduce the NEW and IMPROVED WINKWINKPLAYPLAY.

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:10:00 -0400

When we set out to create WinkWinkPlayPlay the one thing we wanted was to have it be for swingers by swingers… A more personal touch - not just some faceless corporate entity with little regard for the membership beyond their credit cards. One of the things we did was to ask for your input. Even though some of it was hard to listen to - we did. You had some truly great ideas and possibly an even clearer picture of what a site should be than we did.

Your suggestions sent us back to the drawing board with a lot of ideas. It has taken us almost a year of hard work to bring not only your vision, but ours, into reality. WinkWinkPlayPlay has become more of a social network than a dating site. You’ll find the new site to be a cross between AFF and FACE BOOK, LL and Twitter with a little YouTube and MySpace for good measure. We invite you to look around, create a friends network of your own, upload some video’s, try our Webcam Video conferencing (you can view multiple cams at one time) and our Chat rooms. Start a topic in the forum, start your blog for your Play Wall, or just send a winkwink to someone - go explore and play...